International Women’s Day 2021

A mad piece of fiction which finally appeared fully formed in my head on International Woman’s Day 2021. Sorry no time to edit…it just needs to be released into the ether…another squiggling thought set free…

The wind whipped at her hair, the locs smacking at her face. A painful reminder of who and where she was. The rain ran steadily down her brown cheeks, like the rivulets that ran across the dark rock under her feet. She shifted those flat feet to steady herself as she lifted her eyes towards the grey horizon in front of her. The sound of the waves crashing on the many rocks around her, seemed to reverberate in her head. The rhythm they created beat a refrain – the steady relentless repetition echoing their distain of all she was on the outside. Her body and mind were tired, her legs shaking at the effort it took just to stand straight in the onslaught of the storm.

Her heart beat fast with the expectation that soon she would fail. She would give herself up to that stormy unkind sea, and be dragged underneath in the dripping maws of that white leviathan. How long had she spent in the sea with that monster swimming in ever decreasing circles around her…snapping at her arms and legs…damaging but never quite ending who she was? With all of her effort she had dragged her heavy womanly body out of the waves to collapse onto the rocks. She had been fed by seabirds dropping small fish to sustain her. The magnificent whale sharks had arrived taking her on journeys filled with possibilities, leading her to fresh water that rehydrated her parched mind. This care nourished her soul, reminding her of who she was, the part that had not been noticed by the white leviathan. Oh so slowly she had stumbled uncertainly to her feet, her arms raised to the sun, her face warm, her secret smile speaking of all she was on the inside.

As she was nourished she grew strong, she stood with straight back, no longer weighed down by who she was on the outside…she was confident that who she was, was more than good enough, she was strong. But her stature, her confidence had been noticed. The skies had warned that brown woman by the slow appearance of the threatening clouds pushed forward by menacing winds, overwhelming the sun and pushing her brutally behind them. The days had become dark and now the cold rain obscured the beauty of the world.

The strong winds pushed her to her knees, the cold, cold rain pushing that cold inside, feeling like ice was filling her veins. She closed her eyes to concentrate on the beating of her heart, and the warmth deep within. With a surge of energy she pushed open her eyes to be met by the white face of the leviathan, his eyes staring with hostility and distain, steam pumping from his nostrils as he sniffed the air around the brown woman before him. His well-fed body snaked across the rock and into the crashing sea and seemed unmoved by the relentless waves around him. His stature exuded ownership and certainty.

“I am not scared of you” the woman shouted lifting her eyes to his. They stared for a long time without blinking. The leviathan said nothing, but instead smirked with confidence. “I said I am not scared of you” she repeated. The lightening cracked across the sky and the rain turned to hail, cutting into her naked back, her head bowed. The voice of the leviathan boomed across the world “You are nothing. You are less than nothing. You are alone.”

She reached inside where it was safe following the pathway to the warmth. It was still there. A soft gentle voice whispered in her ear “Open your eyes. Turn around. We are here.” She opened her eyes and turned her head to look behind. A brown woman behind her, cradling a small bundle. Mother. Behind a woman in the arms of a man. Wife. A group of women alike but each different. Sister. A woman and man looking ahead with pride. Daughter. Behind them rocks filled with different brown and black women as far as the eye could see, all standing tall. The brown woman looked to the side of her at other women of different hues reaching their hands towards her. Friend. Colleague. Teacher. Mentor. She rose to her feet and as she stumbled briefly, a soft hand reached to steady her. She turned to see the face of the one she had birthed, and beside her stood a family, “and grandmother” she whispered with her knowing smile.

The brown Woman raised her eyes and hands to the emerging sun which felt warm on her skin and bathed her inside and out. She stretched as she was nourished by the rays that fell on her darkening skin. She took her time in the deliciousness of the feeling before looking directly and deliberately at the white leviathan saying, neither too soft, nor too loud “No. I am not alone. All of this is in me. I am all of these women who have gone before, and all of these women who are now. I say again, I am not scared of you, for we see you.” With a look of uncertainty, the monster’s body slipped slowly back into the now calm sea.

The Brown Woman turned to those many women who stood around her smiling with understanding “So again we swim” she laughed as she plunged head first into the delicious sparkling sea.